My Haunted Past..

Some forget their past, some live with it. I definitely have to experience more than just living with it, it comes back to haunt me not at my brightest periods, but at my darkest periods and sinks me deeper into my emotions and attempts to destroys every happy feeling I have inside me. It's like having someone stab a gutter knife right into your heart and to make it worse, twist it 360 degrees several times till it is completely destroyed. How I wish I can forget my past, live in the present and hope that the future holds a good place for me. Through 18 years of my life, I have more than a thousand bad memories that I can't even start to think about what an impact they have caused me.well, at the 18th year, from bad memories reduced to about 50% thanks to a special someone walking into my life. But just thinking about the past gets me a whole box of tissue full of tears. Reliving it brings me down to hell like I have to be punished. You live with your past every single day of your life because the past contributes to make up for who you are. Facing my past is one of my biggest fears in life. I chose to run away from it because even a person runs away from a ghost if he sees one. I thought that for 8 hours of everyday, I could get some peace and quiet. But running away from it is much worse because it haunts you through nightmares. Even doing unnecessarily exercises doesn't help with that one bit. When I think of my haunted past, I start to envy those with long-term memory loss. They don't have to worry about anything at all and live so carefree. I am fighting a war against infinity troops but I am the only man. Feels impossible to conquer it. How do you kill something that creates part of who you are? I wish to have an answer for that...