The moment of truth

For the past 2 months,I have been thinking that I could sign on full-time. Its been my dream to actually do so for the experience and the ambition. But it takes just one week for me to realize that I can't do it. I can't handle the stress that have been distracting me. It took just one shift for me to screw up many times. If I am asked to continue, I know exactly what I am gonna say if I don't wanna bring down the rest of the team along with me. Most of all, I would be disappointing myself. Just like Angelia said, the people that you hurt the most for the consequences of your actions are not your colleagues or your uplines but yourself. I will only hate myself more by doing what I don't want to do which is to fall down deeper. It will be difficult for me not to mix work with personal life coz that's what I have been doing for this week. Just in time for me to realize this just about 1 week before the end of my journey as a guest services executive. Its time to move on and take on a less risky job for the time being which is kinda unstable for me right now. This is the first time I am actually considering what's best for others and for me at the same time,so unexpected coming from me.Hooray for me! hehe..
Time for NS life..I guess that will conclude and put everything in perspective for me.I spent 2 years hoping and wishing that this day wouldn't come but I am actually heartbroken. Love songs everyday till I go crazy. Diana was right. She knew every feeling i was feeling. Forgetting every friend I have got just because I have lost my one true love. Punishing myself for my own sorrows and mistakes. Reliving each day till I lose all hope and love in life. Now i know why people actually run away instead of facing their fears. its for the weak. I am weak. My heart and soul have been drained out completely. I have myself to blame, I am a changed man. alot of people say I have a good heart but its not the same anymore. I believe its now I had a good heart and I am just not me anymore. Never thought I would actually arrive at this intersection. it leads to nowhere.

Emptiness and Sorrow

I feel no tear in my eyes, no smile on my face. Only a ray of hope that I wake up one day knowing that this has all been a dream. I dream of you when I sleep,but its all just false hope because I wake up yearning for your touch and the cuteness of your voice. Without you, I feel nothing, nobody got the power to cheer me up or bring a smile to my face cept you baby.When I am stressed at work with my uplines giving me pressure, I look forward to chatting with you right before I sleep every night. Now the hopes have vanished and sooner or later, I know depression is waiting for my entrance.After you, I doubt I will have the power to love again. For the past 2 weeks, I miss you so much, For the past 1 week, I have been living in hell. your voice seems so cold, your words are hurtful when you talk to me with no feeling. I don't want tomorrow to come. because i know that with every second that passes,your love for me will fade. And with every second,my love for you grows deeper till I feel a stab in my heart.Ironically, my heart is gone yet I still feel pain. Even if its gonna be the end of us, couldn't you just dedicate one last day to me?Just wanna hug you and hold you. Coz I know that I won't get the chance to anymore. I will probably watch you from afar, that's the closest I will ever be to you. You still remember our song?now I feel it all makes sense but it wasn't happily ever after.I have lost myself to the world, you're right to say that I am not who I am anymore but I know for sure that I still love you as much as I did before. It has been the greatest 2 years of my life with you. We had our ups and downs and now you wanna throw it all away.For as long as my heart still chants your name, I will never throw,not even 1 bit of it away. You're way too precious to me. I can't stand not being with you.You'll always be my baby...Ma Icy Baby..

In awe of thee

Time check - Its 0424 hrs on 11/09/08 just after doing my night audit for NMH. Blogging for 3 reasons. 1) I have to keep up with life when it comes to my online diary.DUH! 2) I am bored doing night shift,YAWNS! 3) I had better update before Phebe continues to ignore me. haha.

A big thank you to Miss Florence for giving me the oppotunity to run desk and for the fact that I am sincerely considering wanting to sign on full time for at least 3 months if I don't enter NS till late Feb or March. At least with 3-4 months full time experience, I might be able to acquire the needed potential to work in sophisicated hotels such as Swissotel Merchant Court or Conrad Centenniel as a Front Office Agent. Enough about work, now it comes to my love life!

I have officially reached my 2 years peak of love with my precious baby! this has been the most exciting roller-coaster ride for an interesting 2 years of my life! Now,am gonna make it 3 and counting down to that.haha. I bought a $300 guess couple watch for us on our anniversary and she did so much more! I am speechless and my heart could literally cry like a 24-7 water fountain. A scrapbook with our photos for 2 years full of emotions and heart-felt words at every page. I feel like singing songs from Mohabbatein everytime I lay eyes on each precious wonderful word of love from our diary. And 2 weeks after our anniversary, a surprise chocolate cake at delifrance by some of the service staff there but made by my baby's friend whose pursuing an attachment at fullerton hotel as a baking chef trainee. That was such a freaking delicious chocolate cake which I actually felt full our 1 slice.Moving on over to my friendships..

Meeting Syahid is like a mixture of the sun and the moon. On days, I am free, he can't make. On days he is free, I have other plans. Only in an eclipse do we actually meet and have a decent dinner together.hehe. As for Winson, we have been double-dating every once in 2 weeks so meeting this guy is A-OK. And now to Phebe, Prata @ Adam's corner every once a week, I have gotten used to ordering Nasi Ayam Sambal Goreng everytime I go there for supper.hehe. We will end up eating that, prata and dinosaur for most of our visits there. I can pretty much paint the picture for my next trip there with her again.haha.

This is so far my blogging,for next episode, please convince me type another entry,if you can. Hahaha! Night Night, I have things to do now,Cheers!