The moment of truth

For the past 2 months,I have been thinking that I could sign on full-time. Its been my dream to actually do so for the experience and the ambition. But it takes just one week for me to realize that I can't do it. I can't handle the stress that have been distracting me. It took just one shift for me to screw up many times. If I am asked to continue, I know exactly what I am gonna say if I don't wanna bring down the rest of the team along with me. Most of all, I would be disappointing myself. Just like Angelia said, the people that you hurt the most for the consequences of your actions are not your colleagues or your uplines but yourself. I will only hate myself more by doing what I don't want to do which is to fall down deeper. It will be difficult for me not to mix work with personal life coz that's what I have been doing for this week. Just in time for me to realize this just about 1 week before the end of my journey as a guest services executive. Its time to move on and take on a less risky job for the time being which is kinda unstable for me right now. This is the first time I am actually considering what's best for others and for me at the same time,so unexpected coming from me.Hooray for me! hehe..
Time for NS life..I guess that will conclude and put everything in perspective for me.I spent 2 years hoping and wishing that this day wouldn't come but I am actually heartbroken. Love songs everyday till I go crazy. Diana was right. She knew every feeling i was feeling. Forgetting every friend I have got just because I have lost my one true love. Punishing myself for my own sorrows and mistakes. Reliving each day till I lose all hope and love in life. Now i know why people actually run away instead of facing their fears. its for the weak. I am weak. My heart and soul have been drained out completely. I have myself to blame, I am a changed man. alot of people say I have a good heart but its not the same anymore. I believe its now I had a good heart and I am just not me anymore. Never thought I would actually arrive at this intersection. it leads to nowhere.